


Safe Anchorage

by libraryseraph



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Childbirth, F/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Pregnancy, Triggers, Unplanned Pregnancy, pregnancy resulting from rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2014-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-20 15:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libraryseraph/pseuds/libraryseraph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeyne Poole doesn't have a home any more, at least not in the conventional sense. But a home doesn't have to be a place: it can be a person, it can be a name. Maybe, just maybe, she has a chance to find a new home</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It's night when they come. Feet crunched on the ground and woke Jeyne from her uneasy half-slumber. She pulled her furs closer around her, trying to keep as quiet as she could.  
"Jeyne?" It was Theon. Jeyne remembered another time when he'd come in the night. That time, he'd saved her. She pulled the tent flap aside. Theon stood there. He still looked half-dead, but he'd found a warm cloak from somehwere, and he huddled into hits folds.  
"Theon." She realized something. "You...you called me Jeyne. You said we couldn't do that yet."  
He shook his head and put his hands on her shoulders "No, see, it's different now. You're Jeyne again, you need to remember that."  
She nodded "What's wrong? Has something happened?"  
"Asha talked to them. She," he actually smiled a bit "she saved me. I can go."  
She bowed her head. “I’m glad. That’s good” _I don’t want to be left alone again_. “Can I come with you?” It slipped out before she could stop it. She turned to go back into her tent.  
“Jeyne, wait!” She turned back, and he grabbed her shoulders. “Yes. The rest of them don’t care about Jeyne Poole. You can come.”  
Her eyes filled with tears. She had promises herself she would stop crying, but she couldn't seem to. She leaned forwards and, ignoring his smell, put her arms around Theon. "T-thank you Theon. tT-thank you for not… leaving me."  
He gently disentangled himself from her arms. ‘Come” 

 

Theon lead her back through the camp to where Asha waited. Asha was like no noblewoman Jeyna had ever seen before: tall and hard, wearing men's clothing, and with a walk like she was the rightful ruler of the world. When she saw them, however, her face softened, and she reached out to take Theon's hand.  
"Come, little brother. Let's take you home"

 

When they finally reached the town, the innkeeper took one look at Theon and proclaimed "I'm not having that in here". Asha tensed, and pulled Theon closer to her. Theon clutched at her sleeve " Asha. I can sleep in the stables if that's what he wants" He was shivering so badly he was having trouble speaking, and his lips were practically blue. Jeyne twisted her hands in her skirt.

" What-" her voice came out as nothing more than a squeak, and she swallowed "What if you gave us some water and clean clothes? Then he could stay."  
The innkeeper looked at her curiously for a minute, and then he shrugged. "Fine. But it'll cost you"  
The common room of the inn was mostly empty at this time of night, but there were still a few people up. They stopped what they were doing to stare. Jeyne wrapped her arms around herself as if that would make her invisible and focused on the stairs at the end of the room, not looking to either side. That was when one of the men called something to her and she panicked. She ran past Theon and Asha for the stairs, nearly tripping on the hem of her dress. She bolted up the stairs amd sank down against the wall, trying not to cry.  
 _I can't cry it only makes him angry he'll hurt me worse if I do that_  
Her breath came in jumpy gasps  
"Jeyne" she flinched "Jeyne!" She raised her head from her hands. Tears blurred her vision, but she could see Theon crouched in front of her. He said nothing, just looked at her.  
She swallowed a mouthful of tears "I'm sorry"  
He gently helped her to her feet and she gripped his arm tightly. She could taste bile in the back of her mouth. She was supposed to be safe now, but what was the point? Would she ever feel safe again? She realized she was still holding onto Theon's arm, and released it hurriedly. She felt worn out and faded, too tired to even cry anymore. The room was small and vaguely dank, but it had a bed in it. Without saying anything, Jeyne went straight to it and dropped onto it. With her back to the wall, she could see the entire room and the door, which was good. Theon perched on the edge of the bed, his shoulders slumped.  
"Theon" it took him a minute to respond to the name "are we safe now?"  
He looked off into the distance "I guess we are" He sounded unsure. _He’s just like me_ , she realized _he’s still frightened too._

Asha poured the hot water into the tub. "Come on, Theon. It's time for us to get you cleaned up"  
Theon flinched. "I-I'm afraid" he refused to meet Asha's eyes “P-please... I can't let you see me."  
Asha cradled his face in one hand “Theon. I'm hardly a fainting maid. There is nothing you can show me that could outweigh the fact that you're my brother"  
Theon let her lift him off the bed. Jeyne got up too.  
"I can help, if you need me. I won't" she looked at Theon "look, I promise"  
He looked at her, shivered, and looked away. His shoulders slumped even more. "Fine"  
The rags he was wearing practically fell to pieces when they tried to remove them. Jeyne was keeping her eyes carefully averted, but she could see how painfully thin he was. As he climbed into the bath, she took his hand, as gently as she could. He didn't say anything, but he let her hold it. Asha was being as gentle as she could but Theon still shivered whenever she touched him. By the time he was cleaned and dressed in worn but clean clothes, he looked a little less dead and a little more like a person. He stayed huddled close to Asha, even when they climbed into the bed. Jeyne stared at Theon's back. She wanted to hold him, to listen to his breathing. He had saved her, she ought to be able to help him. She still wasn't sure how he'd react if she tried to touch him, so she kept her hands curled at her sides until she finally drifted off.


	2. Chapter 2

Jeyne spent the first few days of the voyage below in her cabin, sick. The tossing of the ship was making her stomach toss as well, and she felt like she was vomiting up everything she'd ever eaten. In the end, she only stopped because her stomach was empty. She groaned and lay back on her bed, wondering if she could find some water, and if she would be able to keep it down. She pushed herself up onto unsteady legs, and made for the door. When she struggled up on deck, she was surprised to see that, although the sky was clouded, the wind was merely strong, and there seemed to be no sign of a storm. The wind was strange and tangy, and she couldn't see land. The sailors on deck gave her brief appraisive glances. Jeyne was about to go below, when she saw him, standing at the front rail. Her heart gave a little jump, and she began to make her way towards him  
"Theon!" He turned quickly when he heard his name, with only a moment of hesitation. She stood next to him at the rail. "Aren't you cold?"  
"It's the ocean. I have it in my blood, I won't chill easily" her hand fastened gently around his upper arm  
"Yes, but you still aren't strong. Please, don't get sick." His arm was so thin under her fingertips, and he was shivering slightly, despite what he had said. "Besides, what if the storm starts up again?"  
He looked at her. "There wasn't a storm"  
The surface of the world felt strangely slippery under her mind, and she wondered if she'd suddenly gone mad. "But the tossing, and the way the boat kep swaying, there must have been a storm"  
Theon made an expression that was very nearly a smile. "That’s just how a boat moves under a good wind. There wasn't a storm"  
Jeyne blushed and turned away. "I hope I never experience a real storm, then"  
"The ironborn aren't afraid of storms. They're a challenge, a chance for a captain to prove his mettle against the world. Dying in a storm is like dying in battle, and no true ironborn flinches from a battle."  
There was a light in his eyes, Jeyne realized. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen that light. So she leaned on the rail and ignored her still tossing stomach, and listened to Theon tell her stories of storms and raids and bloody battles.

That night, Jeyne had awful fevered nightmares. She ran down freezing hallways of dark stone, scattering trails of blood behind her. No matter how fast she ran, or what paths she took, she always ended up at the same place. He was waiting for her there. No matter how she pleaded or promised, he threw her down to the ground and towered over her.  
She woke up screaming. Her screams soon lapsed into shocked sobs and retching, which she tried to muffle in her thin pillow. The pitching of the boat was disorienting Jeyne, so it took her a few minutes to realize that the sobs she was hearing weren't just echoes of her own. She lay there paralyzed, wanting to go but too afraid too move. Theon's sobs rose to a new height, and she was galled into motion. Theon's cabin was close to hers, but the door had been latched and she could only rattle it uselessly. "Theon! Please open up! I'm here to help!"  
There was a hand on her shoulder, and she started away. It was Asha. Asha looked at the door, put her shoulder to the edge, and pushed. The door popped open and the two of them virtually fell into the room. It took a few seconds for Jeyne's eyes to find Theon, before she realized he was huddled in a corner away from his bed. Jeyne approached him cautiously, following close behind Asha. As they got closer, Jeyne could hear distinct words in his whimpering. Mostly just "please" and "no", but that was enough to make her rush to his side.  
"Theon." Asha's voice was low and his pleading hitched slightly when he heard it. Asha reached out and shook his shoulder, just a little. He gasped and rolled over onto his back. "Asha? Jeyne?" his voice was tiny and frightened, and Jeyne reached out to him without realizing it. She helped him sit up and lean against the wall. Asha sat on Theon's other side, and slipped a protective arm around his shoulders. "Will you be alright?" she asked. It was a foolish question, and Jeyne knew Asha knew it, but it broke the frightened silence.  
Theon leaned into Jeyne "I don't think I'll be able to sleep again tonight" Jeyne nodded. She was exhausted, but she was too scared and sick to even think of sleeping. She and Theon leaned into each other and she could feel him shivering. Their heads rested together, and Jeyne felt somethimg stirring inside her. Not quite happiness, but maybe something close. Something like contentment, or caring. It was a fragile little thing, and she didn't want to disrupt it, so she didn't move or speak.  
Despite what Theon had said, he sank into a light doze, his head resting lightly on Jeyne's shoulder. His face was drawn and tense, even in sleep, and he was terribly pale. She brought her hand up, and cupped it in his thin hair.  
"thank you" it was Asha, speaking quietly so as not to disturb Theon. Jeyne looked at her. Asha seemed so strong and so different from Jeyne. Jeyne couldn't see what she could have done "f-for what, milady?"  
Asha snorted "I'm not a lady. Just Asha. And I want to thank you for him" she jerked her head at Theon.  
"T-thank me? Milady-Asha- I-i didn't-t do anything. H-he's the one who saved me"  
"Theon seems to think differently. You should hear the way he talked about you."  
"I-i don't u-understand." she was crying again, she realized. Asha was looking at her strangely, and she reached over to brush a lock of Jeyne's hair away from her face with strangely gentle callused fingers. "Even if you don't believe it, I know the truth. And I still want to thank you, for bringing my little brother back to me" Asha looked tenderly down at Theon. _She loves him ___, Jeyne realized. _She can keep him safe. ___Jeyne envied them  
Theon stirred, and the two of them immediately turned to him. He struggled to sit upright between the two of them.  
"I'm fine." he looked from one to the other of them, and Jeyne wondered if he'd heard their conversation.  
 _You should hear the way he talks about you. ___She felt Theon’s hand worm into hers.  
“I won’t leave,” she whispered, so quietly nobody could hear but her. _After all, where would I go? ___

____The night they landed, Jeyne was sick again. She knelt over her chamber pot, her stomach clenching and heaving. I must have eaten something spoiled, she thought. She was wiping her mouth when a more horrible thought occurred to her. _They say when a woman's child first begins to grow within her, the stirring sickens her. ___Her hands dropped to her stomach, as if they could seek out what could be growing there, as she desperately tried to remember the last time she had bled. There had been blood in Winterfell, true, but now that she thought back on it, it had been blood from cuts or bites. The last time she could clearly remembered bleeding was back in King's Landing, before Winterfell. The world narrowed to a black tunnel, and she collapsed._ _ _ _

_____"Jeyne! Jeyne!" there was an arm around her shoulders. She sucked in a shuddering breath. "Jeyne, you were screaming. It's alright now. You're here." It was Theon. He was trying to sound soothing, but his hands shook where they touched her, and she could hear the fear in his voice.  
Jeyne put her arms around him and drew herself up "Theon..." her voice was a tiny shivering thing, barely audible. "it's not alright. I haven't bled since before my wedding. Theon, I'm with child" her voice broke on the last word, and she began to cry again. Theon's reaction surprised her. He pulled her close and she could feel him shaking. Jeyne realized he was weeping too. He lifted her to her feet and carried her back to her bed. When she laid down, he laid down next to her, and let her huddle up against him. Jeyne put her arms around him gently. Theon raised his mangled hands to her hair, gently stroking it until she finally exhausted herself with crying and fell asleep._ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I figure I should give credit where credit is due and mention that this is based on a wonderful piece of fanart by thrumugnyr http://thrumugnyr.tumblr.com/post/51830921600/sooo-i-had-this-sudden-thought-of-what-if-jeyne


	3. Chapter 3

Jeyne woke up with arms around her. Their touch was gentle and warm. Theon was still asleep, but he seemed to be sleeping soundly for once. She didn’t move, afraid of waking him. His face was only a short distance from hers, but she didn’t feel uncomfortable or crowded. He was warm, she realized. For some reason, she’d expected him to be cold, like ice. His face twitched a little and she watched him, ready to wake him up if she needed to. Theon’s face relaxed, and his eyes opened.

"Are you alright?" she asked. He released her and sat up.

"Thank you" That didn't really answer Jeyne's question, but she didn't want to push at him too much.

"Thank you for coming last night."

Theon turned and looked right at her. "What will we do, Jeyne?"

"I-I don't know. P-perhaps we should find a maester, just to make sure-" Just to make sure I'm truly with child, she meant to say, but the words wouldn't come out. Theon shook his head "there are no maesters on the Iron Islands. There are only healers. I'll talk to Asha."

"A-are you sure? I mean I could go with you."

He put his hand down right next to hers, the fingers barely touching. "Whatever you want to do."

Jeyne helped Theon up from her bed, and supported him as he limped to the door. After he left, a pale, wan-looking woman entered. "I am your body servant" she stated, flatly. Jeyne didn't bother to say anything, and the woman helped her dress in silence. The clothes were musty and slightly oversized. Jeyne didn't know what had happened to the clothes she'd fled Winterfell in, and she didn't really care either. If it was left up to her, she probably would have burnt them. It was only once the woman had left that she remembered something. Theon had said, "What will we do?", not "What will you do?". The knowledge was strangely comforting.

 

Jeyne lay back on her bed. _I will not cry_ , she promised herself. _No matter what the outcome, I will not cry again_. She'd made the same promise to herself over and over again, and every time she'd broken it. _What will happen to me?_ As long as she didn't tell anybody who the father was, she would be allowed to live in peace, she hoped. And Theon... Would Theon even want her to stay with him? She had nowhere else to go. Her door was pushed open gently.

"Jeyne? I'm sorry, I thought it would be best to not knock." Theon poked his head around the heavy door.

Jeyne stood up. "thank you. Did you...find someone?" he nodded

"Asha told me about someone. I can take you to her" He was wearing multiple layers of clothes to try to hide his emaciation and his hands were gloved, but he couldn't hide his white hair or the hollows under his eyes.

"Theon, did you tell Asha? I mean, I trust her, because you do, but I'm not sure-"

"I didn't tell her. You can tell her when you're ready"

They walked together, their shoulders almost touching. Theon was limping badly, and Jeyne extended her arm to him. He took it, gratefully. Walking together like this, even silently, was the best human contact she’d had in ages She glanced over at Theon, and was surprised to see him meet her eyes at the same time.

"What's wrong?" his voice was low

"Nothing. I'm alright. I like- being with you, I mean" She hadn't expected to have any shame left, but she still blushed. Theon didn't respond, so Jeyne looked away and into the middle distance.

 

The healer lived and worked in a cluttered room close to the bottom of Harlaw. She was a small woman, approaching old age, but her hair was still almost entirely black. She looked up at the two of them.

"Yes?"

Jeyne stepped forward and took a deep breath. "I-I may be with child"

The healer looked slightly aback. "How old are you?"

"I am almost 14." Arya Stark would be 11, but that wasn't something she needed to remember any more.

"You're 13, then. How long have you been with child?"

"I think 3 months"

"I can't give you the moon tea" she raised a hand "I know that's what you wanted to ask. You're much too young, and the pregnancy is too far along. It could leave you barren, or cripple you, or even kill you. I can give you herbs to ease nausea and make the pregnancy smoother, but that's all I can do."

Jeyne felt the walls closing in, and for a moment she felt she might faint. The feeling passed, and she stiffly thanked the healer and turned to leave the room. Theon was right beside her.

"Jeyne..." she turned towards him. He was standing there, his hands outstretched as if he was unable or too frightened to bridge the gap between them "Jeyne, I am so sorry. If I'd only been able to act sooner then maybe-"

She stretched out her hands to meet his. "No, please. Please don't say that. You did what you could."

Before she realized it, she had reached out to bury her face in his chest. "Just, don't leave me. Please."

His arms came up around her "Jeyne, I won't leave you. I can't leave you. Maybe- maybe it's selfish, but I'm afraid of what I would be without you."

_He wants me. He wants to stay with me._

"Thank you. Thank you, Theon" She looked up at his face, and was shocked to see tears building in his eyes. She raised a hand to wipe them away. There were words building in her chest, coiling up through her throat. She let them free

"I love you" she said it again, louder "I love you, Theon"

His shaking hands came down and cradled her face "Jeyne... I love you too. If you cam truly love me, I will stay by you."

Theon pulled Jeyne close again and buried his face in her hair. She brought her arms up around him and rested her head on his wasted chest. Their actions were careful and gentle, trying not to disturb their fragile peace. They stood like that for a few long moments, like two survivors of a shipwreck clinging to each other in the icy waters, each trusting the other to bear them up.


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you warm enough?" Theon was huddled in front of the fire, staring into its flames. It took him a moment to respond.   
"Yes. I am"   
Jeyen sat down next to him anyways, close enough that they were almost touching. Heat radiated off the fire, warming parts of her she had thought would never be warm again. She glanced over at Theon. The firelight threw his ravaged face into sharp relief, but she thought his eyes looked a little less haunted than before. "I love you." it was easier to say it this time. She wanted to reach out and hold him, but she was still afraid of hurting him. "Jeyne." his voice was choked "I- thank you."   
She slipped her arm around him, as gently as she could "Are you well?"   
He looked right at her "Jeyne, I was nothing. I was dying. You called me back. You knew me." He pulled himself closer to her: she could feel him shaking.   
"Theon..."   
"I just can't believe, with all I am, with all I've done, you still want to be with me." He'd brought his arms up around her. They hovered uneasily, not quite touching.   
"Don't say that. You're Theon. You saved me. That's all I need."  
He rested his head into her shoulder, and she could feel tears dampening the fabric of her dress. She pulled back, moving her shoulder away from his face. He looked at her, tenderly and a little disbelievingly. He started to raise a shaking hand to her face, and stopped, unsure of himself. She took his hand gently, and guided it the rest of the way. Her fingers brushed against the stumps of his fingers, and her stomach twisted. She moved her hand down to his wrist as quickly as she could. A wave of doubt washed over her. _So much has been taken. We can't really do this. It's a trick of fate, to let us be happy at all._  
As if he'd heard her thoughts, Theon moved to gently brush the hair away from her face. It was a small gesture, but so warm and affectionate it brought tears to her eyes. She leaned into his hand, and raised her own hand to his face.   
"Is this good?" He nodded. Jeyne wiped the tears away from his face with the tip of her thumb. She could feel the scars etched onto his face, and was careful not to let her fingers linger on them. His remaining fingers traced gentle patterns on her face, trailing down her temple and under her eyes. She leaned towards him until their faces practically touched. Jeyne wasn’t sure which of them leaned in first, but she felt Theon's lips brush hers. The stubble of his beard brushed against her cheeks and chin, but his lips were warm. After they brought their lips apart, they rested their foreheads together, not saying anything.   
“Theon” he responded quickly to his name now, his eyes flickering to meet hers almost immediately. “Theon. I’m going to do it. I will raise my child. I know it will be difficult, but I have to.” Her voice broke, but she kept talking. “I can’t ask you to do anything; you’ve already done so much. Just… stay with me. Please”   
“I promised you I wouldn’t leave you, didn’t I?”  
Jeyne looked up at Theon, wanting to say something, to thank him. When she opened her mouth, she burst into tears. Theon let her lean into his shoulder, and she rested her head there, even after she finished crying. 

Jeyne would have gladly rested like that forever, so close to Theon that their breathing and their heartbeats mingled together. When he stirred, she loosened her arms to let him pull away so they could look into each other's faces.   
"Are you well?" Theon's face looked calm enough, but she assumed he'd gotten very good at hiding his feelings over the past year.   
"Asha said she would take me to see our mother today."  
Jeyne's eyes widened.   
"I haven't seen her since I was a child. They say she went mad after my brothers died and I was taken. She’s asked for me constantly for the past ten years" he stated the facts flatly  
"But won't it be good, then? Since you haven't seen each other in so long?"   
Theon stopped and turned his face away. He said something, but he was so quiet Jeyne couldn't hear him.  
"What's wrong?"  
He replied louder this time. "What if she doesn't know me?" His voice shook. Jeyne reached out to take his arm.  
"I'm sure she will." she tried to make her voice as soothing as possible "she's your mother. That's what she does."  
"She has to know me. She has to know my name."  
"And she will" Jeyne did take him by the arm, then.  
He remained silent for the rest of the walk. Asha waited for them outside the door, and she gathered Theon into a gentle embrace. "She's waiting for you."   
Jeyne followed the two of them into the room. If Asha had any concerns, she didn't voice them. Alannys Harlaw was sitting with her back to the room, her white hair running unbound and tangled down her back.   
"Mother" Asha stepped up to Alannys and put her hands on her shoulders "I brought him. Theon's here"  
When Alannys turned, Jeyne was struck by her face. Her cheeks were wasted and her eyes were wide, but it was easy to see how it must have once been strong. She looked like Theon. Theon stepped forwards "Mother" his voice was shaking, and he had had balled his hands into fists in the hem of his tunic.   
"Mother, it's me. Theon" Jeyne couldn't see his face, but she could see his shoulders shaking. Alannys reached up and grapsed Theon's face. Jeyne could see her over Theon's shoulder, studying his face with burning intensity. Suddenly, she stepped forwards and pulled him into her arms. Theon stood stock still for a second, and then he began to cry. He leaned into his mother's shoulder and wept like a child. Alannys was whispering something to Theon, something almost too low to hear. It was his name.


	5. Chapter 5

“Jeyne.” Jeyne looked up from her sewing to see Theon standing there. She smiled up at him and set her sewing aside. “Theon.”   
In the past few weeks, he’d begun to smile a little when she said his name, but today his face remained set. She felt worry begin to coil itself around her stomach. “What’s wrong?”   
He bent down, putting his face on a level with hers. “You haven’t told Asha yet, have you?”  
Jeyne knew what he was saying immediately, and she pulled away. “No… please.”  
“If you don’t tell her soon, she’ll know anyways.”  
Jeyne’s eyes flicked down to the curve of her swelling belly, nearly hidden beneath her loose gown. What Theon was saying was true, but… “No, she’ll send me away. She won’t want me here. I’ll have to leave you behind.”   
He reached out to take her face, but she pulled away: she just couldn’t handle it.   
“Jeyne, she wanted me. I’m sure she’ll protect you too. She can keep us safe.”  
“But you’re her brother. I’m nothing. I’m just a steward’s daughter. I’m just a whore.” She was shaking badly. “Why should she protect me?”  
“Jeyne, she’s Asha. She’s good, you can trust her, I promise.”  
She grabbed his sleeve. “You have to come with me, then. Please, don’t go.”  
“I will.” 

Asha agreed to meet them in the solar. When they entered, she looked up and them and smiled.   
“Are you two well?” Jeyne collapsed to the floor. She couldn’t bear to see the tenderness in Asha’s eyes turn into contempt. “My lady, I…”   
“What’s wrong, Jeyne?” Asha was crouched down in front of her, her voice tender.  
“My, lady, I’m so sorry. I’m with child.” She stiffened, waiting for a blow or a shout, but instead she felt gentle arms go around her.   
“Jeyne, Jeyne. Look at me. Don’t worry.” Asha’s arms and voice were gentle, and Jeyne shook.   
“I don’t understand. Are you going to send me away? I’m sorry.”   
“Jeyne, I won’t send you away. I promise. You will be safe here, for as long as you wish it.”   
“Thank you. I swear, you won’t regret this, I’ll be good, I promise…”  
“Jeyne.” It was Theon’s voice, and she turned to see him kneeling next to them. He reached for her face again, brushing her hair out of her eyes. This time, she let him. Asha looped one arm around Theon, and pulled both of them close. “You’re both safe here, I promise. I’ll look after you.”  
Jeyne buried her face in Theon’s chest and burst into tears. She gripped him tightly and felt one of his arms go around her.   
“What did I tell you?” he whispered into her hair. Jeyne couldn’t respond, still unable to take in what was happening. Asha stroked her hair.   
“Are you well?”   
Jeyne nodded, and pulled herself away so she could see them more clearly. It was hard to bow when you were already kneeling on the floor, so she dipped her head.   
“I will be.” She could feel a weight lifting off her and something loosening in her throat. Theon reached out to stroke her face: this time she let him, leaning into the gentle touch of his gloved fingers. He got to his feet, helping her up after him. Jeyne leaned into Theon's chest. He was still too thin and shivering, but there was more flesh on him than there had been before, and his arms around her felt a little stronger. _I don't have to leave him._ Paradoxially, that fact made her grip him tighter. Asha's arms went around them both gently. "Just remember. You're safe now. Both of you."   
Jeyne felt Theon quiver and relax in her arms, in relief she knew mirrored her own. The fear wasn’t gone, not completely, but it had backed away into the distance. She could let her guard down. She could wake up in the morning free of pain and fear, hear her own name said, and for the moment, that might be enough. 

Later, Theon took her down to the ocean. Everything was grey: the sand, the sea, the sky. Even the snow was a dirty offwhite. It was grim and freezing, and the wind was cold and cutting. Jeyne pulled her cloak closer around her shoulders.   
“Are you cold?”   
Jeyne was, but she shook her head anyways. “It doesn’t matter.”   
Theon put his arm around her cautiously, and she leaned in, letting him pull her close.   
“You can tell me. It does matter. Now, you can tell me what’s wrong, and maybe I can do something.”  
“I was just wondering what we were doing out here.” She feels him stiffen “it’s not bad, or anything.”  
“I just wanted you with me.” He gently patted her head. “I wanted you to see the ocean.”  
She smiled up at him, trying to be encouraging. “That’s good. It’s good”  
The ocean made soft shushing noises, like a gentle voice whispering. It was soothing, and Jeyne wondered if it sounded the same to Theon. She hoped it did, and she reached up to cup his face in one gloved hand. Theon sighed a little and leaned into her hand. She put her arms around him and stood on tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. Theon shivered, and for a second she thought she’d done something wrong, but then he turned to place his lips on hers. Her heart pounded in her throat and she pulled herself closer.   
“I love you.” She whispered gently. He buried his face in her hair, and didn’t say anything.   
“Is something wrong?”  
“Truly?" his voice cracked. "Even- even as I am now?"  
She smiled gently, trying to calm him. "Yes, truly." It was true that he had been handsome once, and maybe it was true that she had loved him then, but that was so long ago. It hardly even seemed like something that had happened to her, but more like a story she had been told, about two other people named Jeyne and Theon. It was just easier not to think about the past in any way; it just hurt too much.   
He didn’t say anything, just stroked her hair and her back.   
“Theon” she said  
He went stiff “What?”  
She shook her head “Nothing. I just wanted to say it.”  
“That’s good. Keep doing that.”   
She pulled herself up to rest her head on his shoulder and whispered into his ear “Theon. Theon. Theon” He curled up against her, and she felt him relax a little. 

“Jeyne!” she jolted awake, feeling hands on her and she bit back a scream. They released her immediately.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” It was Asha. Jeyne looked around the room fearfully, making sure there was nobody else there, and then felt foolish for worrying.   
“Is something wrong?” There was only one thing it could be, and her throat clenched. “Is- is Theon…?”   
“He had a nightmare, and he’s asking for you. Can you come?”   
“Yes.” she clambered out of bed. “Yes, of course I can.”  
Theon was huddled in a corner of his bed, and Jeyne could hear him sobbing. Asha sat down next to his shaking form and wrapped an arm around him. She whispered to him and he turned towards Jeyne.   
“Theon?” Jeyne reached out to him and he took her hands.   
“What’s my name?” His voice was tiny and frightened and her heart broke with the realization. She gathered him into her arms, resting his head on her shoulder.  
“Your name is Theon, remember? Don’t worry.”   
He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I forgot. I woke up and I couldn’t remember it, I’m so sorry…”  
“Ssshhhh…” she tried to make her voice soothing, like the ocean. “You won’t forget again.”  
Asha sat down behind them, and put her arms around Theon. “See? Jeyne knows?”  
“But what if I do forget again?” Jeyne felt a cold hand clutch her stomach at his fear, but Asha just looked down at him tenderly. “If you forget again, I’ll remember for you, and Jeyne will too.”   
“Yes.” Jeyne said before Theon had a chance to say anything. The three of them huddled closer together, and Jeyne rested her forehead up against Theon’s.   
“I remembered your name.” he whispered. “You’re Jeyne. I didn’t forget again.”   
Jeyne felt a surge of affection and almost selfish happiness at that. “I don’t think you ever really did.” She brushed his hair away from his face: it was getting long, but she could understand why he wouldn’t want it cut. She watched him until his eyes closed and his breathing evened out, and then finally drifted off to sleep herself.


	6. Chapter 6

Jeyne had promised she would go see the healer again. The walk was much more difficult this time around: her belly was swollen massively and was heavy. She leaned into Theon.  
"Do you need to rest?" his voice was soft and gentle, and she closed her eyes and let it wash over her.  
"No. We're almost there. I'll be fine."  
His thumb rubbed gentle circles on her shoulder. "Good."

The healer appraised Jeyne critically, her eyes running over her belly in a way that made Jeyne want to curl up and disappear. When the healer reached out to touch her belly, Jeyne jerked away involuntarily. The healer removed her hands. "I'm sorry. You’re very healthy, though. Your son will be strong.”  
Theon squeezed her hand and she remembered to smile. “Thank you.” It wasn’t a strong son Jeyne prayed for at night, though. She prayed for a kind son, a gentle son, and most of all she prayed, to any god who would listen, for a son who was nothing like his father. There was no way the healer could know about that, however, so she smiled and took the compliment as it had been meant.  
“Really, you could give birth at any time now. You’ll feel strong pains in your stomach, like moon blood only stronger. As soon as they start, call me.” Jeyne nodded, unable to suppress a shudder at the thought of more pain. The healer saw it. “I understand this is frightening, but you can trust me. I know what I’m doing.”  
Jeyne nodded "Thank you." It was strange, having kindness extended to her from someone who wasn't Theon or Asha. She took Theon by the arm and turned to take her leave.  
"Will you be at the birth?" she asked Theon quietly.  
"It's not usual for men to be there."  
"I know. I'm just afraid. If I'm going to hurt again, I at least want you there."  
He stopped then, and pulled her close as best he could with her belly in the way.  
"If you want me, then I won't leave you." He pressed a gentle, shaking kiss to her forehead.  
She sighed, and tilted her head back a little at that. He continued to kiss her, trailing kisses down her face and neck and into the crook of her shoulder. They were tiny, barely more than brushes of his lips against her skin but they flushed her skin with warmth. Theon straightened up, and Jeyne traced his face with her hands, watching as his eyelids shut in contentment. She felt another surge of warmth at that, at how he smiled faintly and leaned into her touch.  
"Is this good?"  
He nodded, turning his face to press another kiss to her palm.  
"What should we name him? My son, I mean"  
Theon opened his eyes "You really want my help?"  
"Yes, I do. It's important that he has a good name, and we need to think of one soon, so he always has a name."  
They had begun to walk again, and Theon guided her to a bench under a window. She sighed with relief and stretched her legs out in front of her.  
"So, what ideas did you have?" He sat down next to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders.  
"Well, I could name him after my father, Vayon" Theon nodded and Jeyne took that as a good sign and continued "or I could name him after Robb."  
Theon stiffened, and she released him. He was shaking again.  
"Oh, Theon, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"  
"Stop. It's not you." his shoulder slumped, and for a moment he looked so broken she had to remind herself they weren't back in Winterfell. "It's me."  
Jeyne realized she had opened an old wound. _There's still so much I don't know._ Her face flushed with shame and embarrassment.  
"It's my fault. If it wasn't for me, Robb never would have-" his speech ended in a strangled sob "and to assume I had the right to be anywhere near a child who bore his name..." his face was buried in his hands now, and his shoulders shook.  
Jeyne reached an arm around him and, when he didn't pull away, pulled him close.  
"I'm sorry, I thought it could be like a fresh start, like you could make amends."  
"I can't. I don't deserve it. I can't just start over. It wouldn't be right."  
"Don't. Please." Jeyne pressed her face into Theon's shoulder, her voice think with tears. "You don't have to suffer anymore."  
Theon turned at that, and rested his head on her shoulder. He didn't say anything. Jeyne just held him, rubbing his back gently, stroking her fingers through his hair. He loosened under her gentle touch, and looped one arm around her back. Jeyne didn't say anything, waiting for Theon to make the first move. Eventually, he straightened up.  
"Are you well?"  
He nodded "I-i think."  
"That's good." he still wouldn't look at her "I meant what I said. You should be happy."  
He raised his head, his eyes wide and full of cautious hope. "Thank you." He didn't say anything else, but she knew what he meant. 

Her dreams were full of pain, awful constricting pain threatening to crush her. She screamed, and thought she woke up, but the pain was still there. She clutched at Theon.  
"Jeyne?" his voice was still muzzy with sleep. "Did you have a nightmare?"  
"No, I..." She couldn't finish the sentence as another wave of pain wracked her body. A sob escaped her lips.  
"Stay here. I'll go find the healer."  
Jeyne nodded mutely, shaking in pain and fear. She buried herself in the blankets, childishly trying to hide from reality.  
Theon returned relatively quickly, but it felt like an eternity. The pain was increasing and becoming more frequent, and as Theon helped her off the bed, something burst and trickled warm water down her leg.  
"Bring her here."  
Jeyne pushed her face into Theon's chest. He half carried her to the birthing stool. "I'm sorry, Jeyne. Just be brave. It'll all be over soon."  
The pain increased until she thought it would never end. There were hands on her, pushing her legs open. She screamed.  
"Jeyne, look at me." Jeyne screwed her eyes shut. "Jeyne, it's just me. He- he isn't here. He can't hurt you anymore."  
No, Jeyne wanted to say. It hurts too much. When she opened her mouth, all that came out was a whimper. A hand wormed into hers and she gripped it as tightly as she could.  
The pain was different now. It was tearing at her, and she felt something shift.  
"It's coming!"  
 _Oh gods, please let it be over soon._ There were hands between her legs, pushing up inside her. She didn't have the strength to pull away or to scream, and she tasted bile in the back of her throat. She pushed as hard as she could, and the pain suddenly lessened. She sucked in a deep, shuddering breath, and heard an answering cry.  
"Open your eyes."  
Somehow, Jeyne found the strength to open her eyes, blinking away tears. The healer held something red and writhing in her outstretched hands. “Your son”  
“Oh” Jeyne felt nothing, no affection, no revulsion, just a deep and overwhelming tiredness. She closed her eyes again, gratefully collapsing into a sleep so deep not even pain could follow her. 

A gentle hand stroked through her hair. It was thin and shaking, but warm, and she smiled distantly.  
“Jeyne?” She opened bleary eyes and saw Theon looking at her.  
“Theon?” her voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper, and when she tried to move pain stabbed through her belly.  
“Shhhh, don’t move. I’ve got you.” He gently lifted her into a sitting position, making sure the blanket was secure about her shoulders and letting her lean into his chest. She wanted to close her eyes and slip back into sleep in his arms, but there were more important things.  
“I have a son, don’t I?”  
"Yes, you do." His voice and hands were shaking, and he kept touching her, his hands roaming from her face to her hair to her shoulders restlessly.  
"What's wrong? I don't remember."  
"After you collapsed, the healer cleaned you up and put you to bed. She said I should look after you, and took your son to find a wet nurse."  
"Theon." she managed to raise one hand and brush his face. "You're shaking. Please, tell me what's wrong."  
He avoided her gaze. "I'm sorry. You were crying so much, and there was nothing I could do again. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."  
Jeyne reached down to take his hand, and shifted so her head was right under her chin. "Thank you for looking after me. You did well. Really"  
He squeezed her gently. “Thank you. I’m so glad you’re awake. Are- are you still hurting?"  
Jeyne shrugged. Her stomach was aching, but this was comparatively little. She could still think straight, remember where she was and that she was safe.  
“No." She squeezed him gently. "I am hungry.”  
He laughed at that, actually laughed, and Jeyne found herself laughing with him. “You’ve been asleep for almost two days. I’d imagine you’re hungry.” He gently laid her back among the pillows, and went to the hearth. She could see him uncovering a pot and spooning something into a bowl.  
“Here.” He lifted her up again. The porridge was thick and hot, and so good she made little involuntary noises of pleasure. Theon took the empty bowl from her, setting it on the table. "Is that better?"  
Jeyne tucked herself back under Theon's chin, and nodded. His arms were warm around her. They were thin and weak still, but she felt safer in them than she had for a long time. he held her like that for quite some time, kissing the crown of her head gently, stroking her hair. She closed her eyes and listened to his breathing. He murmured to her "Jeyne, Jeyne. I've got you, I love you."  
"I know." she whispered back "I know"  
"Do you want to go back to sleep?"  
"No." she shook her head “I’m ready to see him.”  
Theon stiffened, and Jeyne raised one of her hands to stroke his side. “I’m sorry. If you’re not ready, we can wait.”  
He shook his head. “It’s not that. Jeyne, you were in so much pain. There was nothing I could do, and I never wanted that to happen again. I just want to keep you safe…” his voice trailed off.  
“Theon, look at me.” Jeyne held him, running her hand as gently as she could over his side. “You’ve done so much. You stayed with me, and you’re still here.” She wished she had the words, to tell him how much she needed him, how much better he made things. She opened her mouth, although she didn’t know what she could say. As she gathered her thoughts, one of Theon’s hands went under her chin, tilting it up gently. She nodded, and he kissed her gently. There were tears on his face, but he wasn’t shaking for now. When he pulled away, his hands were still on her face, cradling it gently. She could see in his eyes that, somehow, what she had said had been enough. 

"Wait here" he murmured into her hair, before propping her up among the blankets. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze as he left, trying to keep him close for as long as she could. Jeyne knew that the fear came back when she was alone. She wasn't even sure what she was afraid of anymore: the fear itself, maybe. She clenched her hands in the blankets and focused on her breathing, trying to keep it even. Thankfully, Theon returned before she could get too worried. He was carrying a bundle in his arms, holding it like he was afraid of dropping it. She reached out, and he handed it to her carefully. She was surprised at how heavy it was for its size, and she cradled it gently, pulling the folds away to reveal her son. He was so small, with a tiny wrinkled face. She didn't know what she had expected, but it wasn't this tiny body, squirming in her arms and beating the air with his fists. As she shifted him in her arms, he woke up and his eyes opened. They were deep and dark. Theon reached out to stroke out her hair. "He has your eyes." he murmured. Jeyne looked around at Theon. He gazed down at her and the child in her arms with a relieved tenderness.  
"Do you know what to call him?"  
“I thought I would call him Vayon, like I said.”  
“Vayon…” Theon wasn’t talking to her, but to her son. “That’s your name.”  
His voice broke a little, and he drew Jeyne and Vayon close.  
Vayon squirmed against her chest. She rocked him and pulled him close.  
"He will be safe." she whispered.  
"What?" Theon hadn't heard her; Jeyne hadn't even realized she'd spoken around.  
"I meant, he's safe. We aren't going to let anyone hurt him, or make him forget, or..." her voice broke.  
Theon pulled her close. "I know. I know"  
Vayon grabbed at her and Theon with his tiny, perfect hands. Jeyne didn't know how she could have been so lucky. She had been desperately hoping for some sort of safety and comfort, but now that she had it, she could barely believe it. But Theon was holding her gently, and her son was asleep in her arms, tiny and warm. They were all together, and safe, and that was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. I'd like to thank everyone for their support, both here and on tumblr. this was a lot of fun!


End file.
